Curse of the Crimson Throne

19th Calistril 1408

Super Sloppy Double Dares

Hi everyone! Bowie here on the Fireday Night That Never Ends. There were a lot of Fireday nights where I’ve said, “I wish this night would never end!” I don’t think I’ll ever say that again even though so many good things have happened. If you’d told me a week ago that in the same night I’d secure safe healing for Leela, and Pavitra would be partying naked, and I’d get to have an adventure with my new friend Brian, I’d say, “All right!” Now I kinda feel more of a “I don’t want to die!” sort of thing.

In the sewer beneath Old Korvosa, Brian and I smell sour apples and wet fungus in a powerfully strong stench in the dark. We hear loud sloshing and the cry of “Maxmax!” coming closer. I step between Brian and the ladder and the voice. I call out, “Hello?” into the darkness. Brian begins to panic. We both hear a very very faint snickering, higher pitched, off in the darkness from behind the first voice.

A bright ghostly form of light appears as Brian whimpers. In the illumination, we see a disgusting, large, three-tentacled monster that is mostly a mouth. We also see a splash of something hitting the water near it. Brian screams and waves his crossbow around. Very faintly, in Po’s lair, Mod hears Brian screaming. I think we should go, quickly, and suggest Brian climb up the ladder as I call out to the thing hopefully, “Do you want Maxmax? I could get you some.” Mod yells, “Brian!” very loudly and heads out into the sewer.

The thing moves forward and fishes something out of the water where the little splash was and then its eyes fix upon me. Brian climbs slowly up the ladder. I step beneath him and the creature reaches out and fondles my face with its gloopy, slimy tentacles. I call upon Cayden Cailean to protect me from this thing so I can live to feel a more pleasant tongue on my face. With my god’s divine power, I touch the tentacle to imbue it with chaos. Then I scramble up the ladder a bit, just behind Brian who is stuck at the top.

“They’re the ones who took your maxmax! They’re the ones!” cries the tiny voice. The tentacled creature roars and tries to climb up on the ledge behind us but falls, because of the chaos affecting its motor skills. Brian squeezes through the opening. I scramble up after him and skitter away from the ladder.

It tries to follow us up the ledge and the ladder. Brian asks what to do and I tell him to run away. He says, “What about Po and our friends?” and I assure him they are safe behind Po’s security door. I convince him we should leave and go buy some maxmax. As we run, Brian hears a loud thumping in the basement behind us.

Meanwhile in the sewer, Po and Mod have arrived around the corner from the creature. Po believes he can recognize the smell as one of the otyughs but it is far away from where they normally are. He tells Mod, “Brian and Bowie have probably been eaten by now.” Mod says, “Oh. The Korvosan Guard will take care of it.” Then he remembers that they are stretched thin. Po says maybe Brian is all right. Or not. Mod wonders if he should shout for him. They hear a crumbling and splashing of stone.

Po sneaks a little closer to see the otyugh is destroying his “front door.” He throws a bomb at it but it splashes in the water and startles it.

I run towards The Sticky Mermaid planning to buy some maxmax. I tell Brian as I spread the distance away from him that he’ll like the place. It’s really cheap, I say.

The otyugh comes down from the ladder to attack the half-orcs, but it seems a bit stuck and squeezes itself to stay on the ledge; it doesn’t quite get close enough to attack Mod although its tentacles sweep close.

Po hits the otyugh with a bomb and then Mod slices it badly in a rage, spraying green goo everywhere. It smells like his mom’s apple pie. Then the creature grabs onto Mod and Po hits it with another bomb. Burning, the otyugh splashes off into the darkness.

Meanwhile, back in my room, naked Pavitra staves off the strength of the flayleaf the druids had offered her and keeps it together and doesn’t wig out.

Po and Mod find our footprints escaping into the night.

Brian and I get to the Sticky Mermaid. I walk in with a big smile. “Hi everyone!” I don’t see the maxmax vendor. A Watch Sergeant comes ambling over, “Neffy, it’s Graow!” I ask if he has any maxmax. He says let’s go to the docks and he grabs a big tankard of ale. He asks if I’ve ever been in love. I say I keep things footloose and fancy free. Then I introduce him to “Ryan” and he talks about Brian’s hair being like “hers.”

“I thought the king was a good one. The whole town is going to Hell,” says Graow. I say it’s not so bad and he throws up. I’d seen this guy around before but didn’t know his name. I don’t know who “Neffy” is either. He had always seemed to be one of the more decent guardsmen. I try to get him some water and he shares his mix of ale and fishjack with me and we drink to the king. He is sad that he used to be a good swordsman but it’s “no good” anymore. I remind him that the Field Marshall seems to be a good person but he says she’s not really in charge.

I see the maxmax salesman! I ask to cut the line by buying the maxmax for the sailors who are already there. They are happy to do so and introduce themselves to Brian. I use my last coin to buy as much maxmax as I can.

I coax Graow into leaning against a wall to eat his maxmax. There is a slight nagging feeling that he’s not going to be safe out here all alone speaking out against the Queen but I have to deal with keeping the monster from rampaging. Brian asks the sailors for a bit of maxmax. Then he gives them a parting wink and dashes off after me to go feed the monster which Graow thinks is a joke. “Good old Neffy!”

I get back to the basement but no longer hear any banging. The hole has been enlarged though. Brian arrives and makes some light. He looks to see if he can find any footprints and climbs down there. He sees half-orc footprints and a trail of goo from the monster. It looks like they fled in an opposite way that the goo fled. Brian says, “They’re safe. You know what this means.” “More maxmax for us,” I reply. He nods.

Back at the Three Rings, Theandra says, “You’ve been fighting otyughs. That’s foolish.” She insists on splashing me off a bit. I exchange some maxmax for a shot of whiskey. She tells me that some kids came by claiming to be mine and Pavitra’s. It sounds like it was Kester and a couple other of Lamm’s kids. Theandra says they looked scared and feels badly for sending them away. Brian, after some convincing, and I look for them outside and I call his name but we don’t see them.

I walk into my room to see a circle of druids chilled out on the floor. They are not wearing clothes and smoke some flayleaf and play a guitar. Pavitra is in the bed, sitting with a sheet on her. I stagger through and give some maxmax to the druids to their delight and then pass out face first in the bed.

In the blessed, blessed Starday, Field Marshall Cressida Croft has sent a man to bang on my door. “Korvosan Guard! Open up!” I say, “We’re Korvosan Guard. YOU open up.” I go and open the door to see a sneering guardsman. He says we’re to report as soon as possible. That means now. I say that’s impossible since I can’t teleport. I tell him one of us isn’t here. He says well, we need to get there as soon as possible. I go back to bed.

Po wakes up and Rizzo has come to his senses. Po tells him to join him at Three Rings Tavern. Rizzo says he has a lead on finding the Lady in Yellow. He was going to go see Night Ranger at Exemplary Execrables. A friend of his said that during another show, the Deathtrap Dungeon, he could have sworn he’d heard the Lady’s voice.

I wake Pavitra up a bit and tell her about Kester and the other kids coming to visit. She is not particularly coherent and I remind her that partying is indeed awesome but Cayden Cailean reminds us that we need to not lose control, however. She throws up into the chamber pot and I hold her hair back. She agrees we should try to help the kids when she’s thinking a little more clearly. I point out that she is naked. She says that it was really hot the night before so they were all taking their clothes off. Then she passes out again into the bed. I lie down next to her. Whatever the Field Marshall wants can wait, I’m sure.

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